Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize