quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
