Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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