Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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