I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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