I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
