I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
