i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I pour the whiskey from now on
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
