i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
