i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
