he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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