Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
