It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
