somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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