so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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