someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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