Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
