We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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