Cold hands, warm shart.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
