I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
