but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
