giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize