so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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