I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Congratulations! We have a period
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