His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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