i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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