Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize