No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
