8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
