Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize