Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
