32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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