Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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