just tell him i said nine months
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
