it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
