and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
