When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
