doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Did I show you my penis last night?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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