You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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