some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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