I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
