I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
