1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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