i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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