I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
