OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
