I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize