You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
