He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize