wanna go halves on a baby?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
