I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
