There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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