My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
