Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.

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(917): View more from New York City

Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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(972): View more from Texas

They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight

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(386): View more from Florida

I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok

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(512): View more from Texas

I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.

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(636): View more from Missouri

They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...

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(705): View more from Ontario

i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men

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