Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
