My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize