i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
