i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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