I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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