Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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