Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
People in love make me want to vomit
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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