Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
