did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
