Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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