After last night, I could never be a politician.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
this just has baby written all over it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize