I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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