Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
