he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
